Friday, June 3, 2011

The Death of Innocence

Ceasar had it right. You see a problem, you work on a problem and then you conquer the problem. And then you move on - my problem is this - I love to write and I hate to write - How is this possible ? How can it be that I do not like to write ? What is behind all this ? I looked into my secret closet and looked around. This is what I saw :
There was a squarish little man sitting at a keyboard typing in words in random fashion. He had a suit on and looked very properly dressed for an office. He never turned toward me as he asked stiffly: "What is your Business ?"
I tried to meet his gaze but nothing seemed to distract him from typing. "I want to know why I have such fears of writing ?" There was a somber silence followed by a long pause, then more silence. Finally, I decided I needed to say more. "Do you know anything about this ?"
The squarish man stopped typing and looked at me "Yes, I am afraid I do." He then turned back to the keyboard and began typing again. I figured I'd better ask another question. "So what do you know about it ? Can you give me some information as what I have to do to fix it?"
The man paused again and said "I know a lot. It will take some time for me to tell you everything so maybe you could just be specific as to what you would like to know ?" "I thought I was being specific," I answered. "I want to know what it is that I can do to get the motor running again and what it is that I have to do to keep it running."
"There that is better," the man replied curtly, "Now I will address your questions. To get the motor running you must pretend that you are writing. You must pretend that what you are writing is real and will be what you want it to be. To keep the writing going, you must love it - treat it like it is your baby. Cherish and play with it often."
I waited to see if there was more forthcoming information but the man said not a word. I then asked him what his name was. "I am your fear," he said, " I am the personifaction of what makes you afraid to write. You fear that you will become like me, just typing away and not caring about what is going around you. You will never overcome me by thinking - thinking is how you created me. You must do and love that doing. Don't fear what is coming out - work with it. Pretend it is a color board. See what works with what - stop trying for magic right out of the bottle first time everytime.You can only write about what is in front of you - remember that. Don't try to pull the pastoral if you are in the middle of a city. Don't try to be happy happy if you are pissed off. Be you and the best will always come forth. That is and was the way you wrote your good stuff. "
I thanked him for his time but he protested, "Don't thank me - you wrote this - thank yourself." and with that he got up and went through the door.

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